Gone from Us
by Shadewing31
Summary: Tessa and Jem have been married but there are problems. Warning! character death!
1. Chapter 1

"FINE, leave! You seem to not care what I think so leave James! Or maybe _I_ should go since I'm no good to you as a non-shadow hunter!" A hysterical Tessa spat at her husband. With that anger finally flashed into Jem's crystalline silver eyes making them stormy.

"I will! You should go find Will since that's all you ever want to do!" Only his voice gave away his sadness. Quickly, Jem stormed out of the fire-warmed room before the love of his life could see the tears gathering and threatening to spill.

Now, all alone in their shared room, but now like always, Tessa didn't know what to do. So, she did what she always did, stare at the wall across from her bed. Even though the fire was raging she still felt cold, for Jem had left… again. The wall that Tessa was now giving her full attention to was a pretty plum color, but the howling wind and flickering fire didn't improve her mood at all. For the past two days it felt like all she and Jem did was fight. This time it was about him agreeing to go on a mission for months.

Burying her head in her hands after falling down to sit on the trunk at the foot of their four poster bed, she started to sob. Embarrassed at what she had lied about to Jem. He did love and care for her. He told her every day. She was the one who was the b$%#*. She was his life. Yet, all she did was talk about how amazing Will was, what Will did today, and how much she loves spending time with him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered between sobs to the empty room. It was too late for anyone but herself to hear. Suddenly filled with resolve, Tessa Carstairs somberly stood up, and walked over to the dark mahogany dresser. In blue ink she wrote a simple note to her husband, folded it up, and set it on the bed. Walking into the bath room she grabbed what she hoped would be enough. As she closed the door to the bedroom, you could see a flicker of hesitation in her eyes, but it was gone the second it appeared.

Sitting down at the aged and scarred table Jem poured himself a little something on the rocks, making a face. This wasn't the first time Tessa and he had fought, but was without a doubt, the worst.

"Why?!" he whispered to the ceiling, too preoccupied to notice footsteps.

"Why what, brother dearest." Inquired Jem's stunningly handsome, raven-haired parabati, Will Herondale. When Will was answered with silence he couldn't help but sigh. _Not again._ He thought. At this point the question and its paired answer were obvious.

"You fought again didn't you," not waiting for the answer that would never come he continued "What was it about this time!? Whatever it was, probably not worth it, huh? Let me guess the mission you accepted?" Judging by the look in Jem's eyes, he was right. "I was right, not. worth. it! Both of you were at fault for this one though. You, Jem, should have consulted with her, your wife, before accepting. But Tessa shouldn't have over reacted like she did. Now why don't you give me that," Will said with taking Jem's drink "Go find her so you both can apologize, and act like the grownups you are."

"When did you turn into a relationship advisor?" Jem asked in mock seriousness.

"Just go!" Will said pushing his best friend half-way up the stairs.

Silver met ocean blue as Jem turned around "Thank you." he spoke just above a whisper and paused. The Herondale simply made shooing motions with his hands. With that Jem ran up the remainder of the stairwell. Waiting till Jem was out of earshot he spoke to himself

"When did I become their marriage counselor?" shivering at the thought.

After finishing Jem's drink and having been sitting in absolute silence for the past 15 minutes, Will had almost fallen asleep in his chair. That is until he heard the sound that made his blood run cold. Jem's _scream._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I am very sorry that this took soooooooooo long. I honestly have no valid excuse. I hope you enjoy this though; it certainly was a pain in my rear end to write! I had NO idea of how to write this, so I winged it and I hope it's not too terribly awful! Reviews please! **

**DISCLAIMER: I definitely do not own the Infernal Devices. If I did the ending would have been much different. (More like the ending we had written Tessa. Love is Dangerous).**

Creaking and whining the ancient steps protested Tessa's weight. Darkness closing in her breath gradually became faster. Wishing the ghosts of her past away, she closed her hand on the hilt of the dagger. Cold white fingers glared against the darkness of the angelic blade. Finally reaching the top of the flights of stairs, the woman let out a primal laugh. Guttural, the sound chilled the air. Opening the rustic door to the attic the reality of her decision hit her. Everything was silent.

Step

Step

Step

Step

Sitting herself against the dusty wall, Tessa stared at the blade, wondering at her thoughts. Laying Jem's icy dagger against the pale skin of her wrist, she drew in a breath. Warm air whisping out of her mouth and forming white shapes in the December air. Adding more pressure to the blade she couldn't help but wince. She was never brave, preferring to let others do the fighting for her. Her dark blue intricate dress rustled at the movement. Gathering her last and only bit of courage, her resolve strengthened. Pain shot up her left arm as the thin blade made an even skinnier cut. Blood rushing, Tessa drove her husband's knife further down into her blood vessels. Not looking, She transferred the blade to her other hand, smiling as she broke the skin of that wrist too.

Blood poured over both of her forearms, staining the dress. Jem's blood coated knife fell forgotten from her hand. A small smile frozen on her face, even paler now than normal from blood loss and cold. Slowly Tessa's vision began to leave her. Staring into the blackness, she felt herself go limp. Her mahogany colored blood pooling around her body, slumped against the wall. Rising up she watched herself sit there, feeling no remorse. She knew this was best yet as she hovered over the body that she had willingly left, she couldn't help but feel something.

_I'm sorry._

Feet pounding on the clean wooden steps of the institute, Jem raced from room to room, inspired by his Parabatai's words. He had been stupid. She had been stupid. And Jem was going to fix the issue. White shirt billowing on his pale and scarred back, and his pants rustling, he stopped in front of the room he shared with Tessa. Silver eyes all but glowing Jem burst through the door, expecting Tessa to be there. Nothing but air offered him a greeting. Looking confusedly around the room, he found nothing as to a clue where she had gone.

With a squeak the bed protested his weight as he sat down, head in his hands. _WHERE could she have gone? _Thinking through past conversations his mind stopped on one that had happened earlier that week.

_Tessa stood with her back to her husband, looking out the window and recounting her day. _

"_I stood by the window in the attic. You know, it is rather peaceful up there. It may be my new favorite spot in this place. Will showed it to me..." _

The attic. Jumping to his feet the silver haired man started again on his trek to find his wife.

Running up the rickety stairs of the institute, he reached the hatch to the attic. His hand hesitated on its cold handle. Something was wrong. Ignoring the chill that had run down his spine, Jem wrapped his hand around the silver handle and pushed.

"Tessa dear, I'm sorry. I should ha..." Stopping mid sentence, the once brave shadow hunter fell to his knees on the dusty floor. Not two step away from the hatch.

Silver eyes met brown as Jem stared at his wife. Slumped against the wall, her brown eyes open wide, lips parted in a sweet smile, sitting in a pool of blood. His eyes scanned her lifeless figure, her wrists cut open. It was then that Jem found the dagger beside her. His eyes fell over the familiar crest, and he heard a scream. Not realizing that it was himself.

Will followed the scream into the attic, followed closely by Charlotte and Henry. Each one freezing in turn, as they entered the high chamber. Eyes frozen on the warlock's body, no one dared to move. A breathy sigh was heard from where the head of the institute stood as she fainted into Henry's awaiting arms. Will walked over to where his brother was kneeling on the ground, sobbing. Their white breath mingling they locked each other in an embrace.

Each of their movements Tessa seen, each voice was heard. After the minutes of shock passed, Will stood. Brushing off his pants, He reached for one of her bloodied hands. Skin cold to the touch, Will knew then that she wouldn't be coming back. Backing away, he walked down the steps. Sitting in his room, a single tear slipped down his cheek from his deep blue eyes.

_I'm sorry._

After setting Charlotte down, Henry, the normally irresponsible male, went over to Tessa's body. In the silence the only noise to be heard was that of her clockwork angel, ticking in its golden beauty against her unmoving chest. With gentle arms the red-headed inventor picked up the woman he had begun to think of as a daughter. With one last glance at a broken Jem over in the corner he brought Tessa's body down to the area that they had all started using as an infirmary. Except, this time, the patient would never recover. Letting his own tears slip out Henry held her lifeless and bloody hand.

_I'm sorry._

When Charlotte woke up, everything flooded back to her mind. No barrier, no way to stop the images, she ran out. Each step brought her farther away, but closer all at the same time. Finding her way to the dark infirmary, she opened the door, unwillingly she stepped in. Greeted by the sight she was trying to avoid. Tessa lay there on the white cotton sheets, cleaned of blood and placed in a way that she looked as if she was simply sleeping. In a way, she was sleeping, but her sleep was one that she will never awake from. Henry sat there, in a wooden chair, sobbing. Walking forward she put a hand on each of his shoulders. Looking up to meet his wife's eyes Henry pulled the kind hearted woman into a tight embrace. Tears falling from both sets of eyes they sat down to keep watch over their fallen daughter.

_I'm sorry._

Hours, then days passed and still Jem refused to move. Not eating, drinking, nor did he take any of his drug. Becoming paler and thinner. Will eventually carried his brother back down to his room, the one he no longer shared. Leaving behind water and a loaf of bread on a silver platter, Will left the room, unable to stay any longer. Within the next hour Jem awoke from his comatose state. Looking around the room he couldn't help but feel overwhelming guilt and sorrow. His glass heart had shattered, not a piece was left that she didn't take. No hope was left in his eyes, no strength left in his bones. His love had left him; she was gone in an irreversible way. Bed creaking as the weakened man stood up, he looked around. Fingers brushing every object that once was hers as he walked around. When he finished his round he sat back down on their dark bed. Jem jumped up off the bed as when he sat something had crunched. Lighting a candle to see better, Jem scanned the bed with dark eyes that were no longer silver. A beige piece of now wrinkled parchment glared at him. Picking it up as though it would bite him, he slowly opened the folded piece. In Tessa's own scrolling handwriting, Jem read his wife's suicide note. All out of tears Jem simply stared at the paper before him that rested in his hands. He couldn't believe what he was reading; he couldn't believe his own eyes.

_I'm so sorry._

After that no one was ever the same, each person handled her death in different ways. Some more effective than the others, some didn't work at all. But rest assured that was certainly not the last they ever saw of the shape-shifter, nor the last they heard of her. Those who are lost are never gone. They are somewhere. A place we can't see or feel, but very real. Those who had died are not gone forever just gone from us.

_I'm sorry._

**And there you have it! I am ending it here, if you want more tell me and I will try to fix/add anything by request. I was very happy that I got to kill off Tessa. I couldn't stand her. Actually by the end of the series I couldn't stand Will or Jem either. But, that is beside the point! Please tell me what you thought! (If any of you reading this know how to make those grey line separating things, please tell me. I'm begging you!) Thank you to all of you still there to read this after I fell off the earth! By the way Tessa, I did this for the owl. Thank you all! Peace.**

**~Shade**


End file.
